What is eurovision? I’ve heard people talk about it before and I feel really dumb because I have no idea what’s going on??
It’s a stupid song festival in Europe where one band/artist represents each country. It used to be one of the most important events, but now barely anyone cares about it.
EXCUSE ME MADAM
I BELIEVE WE MUST NOW FIGHT IN HOT AIR BALLOONS ABOVE LONDON
EUROVISION IS A TIME OF FUN AND HILARITY IN WHICH THE NATIONS UNITE TO WATCH GROUPS OF BRIGHTLY COLOURED IDIOTS PERFORMING SONGS THAT ARE CAREFULLY ENGINEERED TO BE THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF GOOD MUSIC
AND YOU HAVE TO TURN THE SUBTITLES ON BECAUSE THEY ARE INVARIABLY THE RESULT OF SOME POOR SOUL TRYING TO TYPE THEM IN REAL-TIME AND IT IS BASICALLY THE MUSICAL EQUIVALENT OF THOSE BOOTLEG MANDARIN LOTR SUBS
AND THEN THERE IS ‘VOTING’ WHICH MEANS ‘EVERYONE IN THE BALKANS GIVES EVERYONE ELSE IN THE BALKANS TOP SCORES AND EVERYONE IN WESTERN EUROPE PENALISES EACH OTHER FOR EVERY POLITICAL IRRITATION RECEIVED IN THE PAST YEAR’
AND YOU WATCH THE WHOLE TECHNICOLOUR FAILURE ON THE SOFA WITH SNACKS AND MST3K IT AND IT IS GLORIOUS
“As a joke, Arthur Conan Doyle once sent five letters to five friends that read, “We are discovered, flee immediately”, to see what they would do. One of them disappeared and Conan Doyle never saw him again.”—QI (E Series - Espionage)